evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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