I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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