You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize