omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
