this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
