Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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