It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
