I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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