If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
should my penis look like a turkey
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
