And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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