Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize