I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
