I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
