Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
