genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
