oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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