you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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