There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize