My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize