i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
