I'm jealous of your bromance
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
