drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
