bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize