My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
