mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
