and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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