Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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