I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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