halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
