this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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