I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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