i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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