we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize