I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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