I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
