you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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