i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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