Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize