she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
