Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
