wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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