How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
