Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
