In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
