4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize