This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
