he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
