I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
