I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Acid is not a monday night drug
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
