I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
