If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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