your parents love me but you hate me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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