I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
