I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
