yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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