Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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