saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
