I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
