pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
