Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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