Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
