how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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