I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
