Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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