Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
