I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
