some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
