facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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