i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
