no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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