so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
