I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
