pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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