I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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